Life happens

Since becoming a mom, I've come across two types of moms. There are the planner moms. Those whose days/weeks/months are planned. Dates are saved and events are penciled in. It makes their lives easier and anxieties low. I have always admired these moms. I've even wanted to be like them in many ways because they always seem so motherly and mature. I love their wall calendars and planners. When I grow up I hope to be that kind of mother. 

Then there are the other moms, the ones that I fall right in step with. We are the moms that drive the other moms insane. Instead of wall calendars and Erin Conrad planners our lists and things to do are scribbled on the back of the nearest Walmart receipt. 

I really would like to be a planner but I've learned that, for me, the very second I make plans or appointments something ALWAYS happens and my plans are flushed down the toilet. 

Today it's a sick kid. The day after I spent money I didn't really want to spend on a costume for a "holiday" that I hate and as of now she won't even be getting to wear it. I'm also getting one other kid over some random bug that came through the house earlier in the week. I had things to do today. We were suppose to go out to eat and the kids were so excited. Now, here I sit, within arms reach of my sweet Emmy girl with a towel on hand, just in case. 

Life happens. It always happens. Kids get sick. Plans get canceled. But in the middle of the chaos and the ever changing events there sits a God who cannot be moved and who never waivers. My cancelled appointments never throw off His plan and purpose for my life. I can face each of life's happenings with confidence that my God has already worked all things for my good and for his glory. 

When the earth totters, and all its inhabitants, it is I who keep steady its pillars. Psalm 75:3

Sunday Mornings, Cinnamon Rolls and Contentment

 

Some time ago, my kids started asking to lick the leftover icing out of the little cup that is in the pop can of cinnamon rolls.  At the time it seemed harmless but it didn’t take long for this to cause problems for the ones that wouldn’t get to eat the teaspoon full (if that) of cinnamon roll icing. I’ve seen tears shed, punches thrown, and verbal assaults launched all because someone didn’t get to lick that silly little spoon. But rules are rules and the first one that asks gets it.  Simple enough….but anyone with kids knows that simple is never easy.

Here’s how the cinnamon roll drama went down Sunday…

Momma’s in the Kitchen

-Enters Adley

Adley: Whatcha doing?

Me: Getting breakfast ready.

Adley: What we eatin’?

Me: Cinnamon rolls

Adley: Can I lick the icing?

Me: Yep 

-Adley perches on the counter and in walks Nolan with his blankie under his chin

Nolan: What’s that?

Me: You tell me?

Nolan: Cinnamon rolls.  Can I have the icing?

Me: Sorry dude, Adley already asked.

Nolan (crying already): But Mom!! She had it last time!

Me: Ummm….I don’t think she did.  I think I let everyone have a little last time.

Nolan: Nu-uh! She did.

Me: Ok, well, she still asked first this time.

Nolan: It’s no fair.  She ALWAYS gets the icing and I NEVER get the icing.

Me: Ok that’s a lie and you know it.

Nolan: Mom, please! I didn’t know we were having cinnamon rolls!

Me: Sorry dude.  I think it’s time you get out of my kitchen before you really tick me off.  It’s like a tiny spoon of icing.

Nolan: But I’m HUNGRY…..

Me: And this won’t fill you up! Now get out!

-Nolan exits the kitchen.  Mom ices cinnamon rolls and calls everyone to the table for breakfast.

Nolan: I’m not hungry anymore.

Me: HA! You better sit down.  Look, I even gave you one with the most icing.

Nolan: Nu-uh.  (Pointing) That one has more.  This one is the NOT most.

Me: I’m about to lose my mind.  Eat the stinking cinnamon roll, now.

-Mom leaves dining room and goes back to the kitchen to cool off

-Nolan reenters the kitchen slowly

Nolan: What kind of icing is that?

Me: I think I got cream cheese this time.

Nolan: I don’t like that kind. I think I’ll just have a donut at church

-Momma may have lost her mind here…not real sure…it’s all a blur. 

Y’all! All the tears. All the drama. And he didn’t even LIKE THE STINKING CINNAMON ROLL!

Fast forward a few days and I kept replaying that little drama through my head.  He was so upset because he didn’t get the icing! He just knew the icing was what he wanted. He just knew it would satisfy his craving.  But all the icing did was leave him sorely disappointed.  Now, as his mom, I knew the icing wasn’t going to fill him up.  I knew he needed more than just a lick of icing to be content, but like a stubborn child, he thought he knew what was best.  He wasn’t thinking about later, he was living in the moment and in that moment it was all about the icing.  

Now, let’s flip the script.  I may be past the point of throwing fits over cinnamon roll icing, but I am absolutely not above throwing an internal fit or having a pitty party over my own version of cinnamon roll icing.  It comes in more “mature” forms now though, like new curtains and bedding, or new light fixtures and door hardware, or vacations, or the non-existent shopping/spa trips with my girls, or monthly date nights with my husband, or heaven forbid, something JUST FOR ME! (I can play the sacrificial mom card with the best of them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t do it as leverage to hold over my family’s head.  I love serving and taking care of my family and I don’t even care about putting myself last….90% of the time.) I throw a fit because I'm am sure these things will make me happy. Because, none of them are BAD things. But then I convince myself that I am content that is until I receive the latest copy of Pottery Barn or J.Crew and MiniBoden, then it hits me again! And it's all....I WANT IT! WHY CAN’T I HAVE THAT? SO-AND-SO DOESN’T EVEN LOVE JESUS AND YOU’VE GIVEN IT TO THEM! (Yep, that’s real maturity there) WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN? IT’S NOT FAIR! I’M TRYING TO FOLLOW YOU AND BE FAITHFUL, CAN’T YOU HELP ME OUT HERE? Sometimes my behavior toward God in my quiet time is no different that dealing with my 4 or 6 year olds.  It’s embarrassing really. Like Nolan,  I'm not concerned about the future. I want what I want and I want it now. 

But then I go to the Word and I read 1 Timothy 6:6-8 and it tells me, “Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.” Uhhh….ouch Paul.  That’s not what I was wanting to hear. Apparently he knew nothing of ikea when he wrote that. I’m looking for something a little more comfortable to swallow, something more pleasing to my ear.  But it’s the truth, nothing can satisfy my soul like Jesus.  Nothing, no matter how hard I try, will bring me lasting contentment like Jesus. And the reality is, NOTHING WAS EVER MEANT TO FULFILL ME LIKE JESUS. The material things, or earthly relationships even, may bring me temporary pleasure, but apart from Christ, I always end up feeling empty before the new even wears off.  

1 Timothy 6:6-8 kinda stepped on my toes a little, but Hebrews brings me a great comfort.  Hebrews 13:5 says this, “Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” What sweet, loving words to a big baby like me.  As a believer, God has already given me all I will ever need, HIMSELF. 

Every day I wake up in my cozy bed, go into my bathroom with warm, running water, make a pot of coffee (obviously I’ve traveled to the kitchen at this point, no coffee pot in my bathroom), feed my children SOMETHING for breakfast, put their clothes on their backs, and get in the old Odyssey and drive to school. I have no idea of what it truly means to be without.  I may not have all that I want, but I absolutely have all that I need.  Every day God shows his faithful and grace to us by meeting all of our needs.

My heart and life were meant for more than cinnamon roll icing. If I would just take the blinders off and get over myself, God could bring me that contentment, satisfaction, and joy that my soul so desperately longs for.

 

 

Dirty Carpet

About a month ago, I had gone upstairs to vacuum the kid's bedrooms and TV room. (I have gotten where I have to say a little prayer before I make that trek up the stairs because I never know what I'm going to find and if I'm not in the "Spirit" it can get cray-cray real quick) Just as I had expected it was a mess. Toys were everywhere, popcorn was all over the carpet, and food wrappers and empty cups adorned the "Lego and Wii zones". I spent the next little while making empty threats (I'm pretty sure I threatened no food for a week if anyone ever brought food upstairs EVER again) and very angrily cleaning up toys so I could get the floors vacuumed. 

It didn't take long to notice all the stains. I was so mad! It was going to take forever to get all the spots out of the carpets. (Which then led me to think, "who's the idiot that invented carpet in the first place." It's just nasty on so many levels, ESPECIALLY when you have kids!) After evaluating the damage, I was so overwhelmed that I finished up vacuuming and just headed back downstairs. Maybe I'm the only one, but anytime I'm in a bad mood I have a heightened since of awareness. Haha. I notice everything and everything bothers me. It was in that moment I realized the dirty carpets weren't just upstairs but it was terrible downstairs too! A chocolate milk stain by the front door. A coke stain on the living room rug. Some nasty crunchy substance in the dining room. It was in that moment I almost lost it. It was just too much and in the end I knew I would be spending way too much time on my hands and knees scrubbing stains that would never really come clean. 

As I began the unfulfilling task of vacuuming yet another room, my mind went from wondering if the popcorn kernels in the vacuum could get hot enough to start popping (yes,that's how my mind works) to the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. It was like my eyes were opened and I felt the Spirit say "You were just like that dirty carpet." Who? Me? What? As I vacuumed the rest of the house I began to wonder why all the stains were on the carpet. They were all "accidents". No one really ever purposefully spilled their drink or knock over their popcorn (and if they did...Lord help them), but almost everyone of them was caused by disobedience. My kids know the rules. They may play dumb or "forget", shoot, there may even be days that my parenting is less than adequate and I let them get away with stuff because I'm "too busy" to deal with it or just want 5 minutes too myself.  

When I look back on my life, I actually am just like that dirty carpet. I was covered in yucky, nasty stains. Stains that were there mostly because of my own disobedience to God. Stains that I didn't set out to make on purpose.  And just like with my carpets, I have spent a LOT of time trying to clean them up myself only to be proven very unsuccessful. The stains are still there. They may have faded a little but the evidences of my sins are ever before me. (For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.  Psalm 51:3)

A couple weeks after my housekeeping revelation, my husband came home with a carpet shampooer. You know, one of those big, ginormous, professional ones- that I'm not allowed to touch. Then he went to the store and bought a $20 bottle of carpet cleaner (which in itself almost caused me anxiety...I usually buy the $2 stuff...come to think of it, that may be why I can't get the stains out...). We cleared out furniture and rugs and Jimmy got to work. After an hour of cleaning and several dumps of nasty, brown water he was finished. The carpets looked so good! They were clean! Like REALLY clean! 

In order to get the carpets really clean  we had to move past spot cleaning to heavy duty, professional grade, deep cleaning. For there to be real cleaning progress we had to get something on the carpet that would pull the stains up from the roots of the carpet, not just surface cleaning. 

Then I had another thought...

I may be like that dirty carpet. I may be scarred with sin and past mistakes but my God has cleansed me from within. I have tried so often to fix the messes that I have made but all my efforts are nothing more than spot cleaning with a cheap cleaner. I cannot do what God can do. I cannot remove my sin and my guilt. Jesus did all of that on the cross. Every stain and mark was forgiven through the death of Christ. His blood has covered me and made me clean from the inside out. I rejoice in knowing that I don't have to carry the stains of my sin and my mistakes. 

And just like my carpets, I will get "dirty" again. I will make mistakes and I will fall, but God's grace is ever before me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." He will continue to cleanse me and restore me until the day I have been made into the image of his son. 

Other Texts:

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!  

Pslam 51:2

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.  

Psalm 51:10

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 

2 Corinthians 4:16