Ready or not...

Being a mom has always been my hearts desire. I remember graduating high school with no desire to go to college because I didn't want to pick a "career". I just wanted to get married and start a family. Sometimes we have childhood dreams and as we get older our desires change or we realize how silly our dreams were, but that never was the case for me. It was always what I wanted. Sure, I could think of things that sounded fun but when it all boiled down to it all I wanted was to be somebody's mom.

I met my husband at the beginning of my Sophomore year of college, we were married the summer of our Senior year and pregnant with our first child (which we miscarried) within 6 months. After the miscarriage, my desire for being a mother only grew stronger. Within weeks of graduating college (on our 1 year anniversary actually), we found out  that we were again expecting.  That was over 10 years ago and since then, I have been fortunate and blessed to do what it is that I've always wanted. To have a family and take care of them. I've got babies down! I can nurse them and change diapers in my sleep, which has been done on multiple occasions. I have rocked crying babies more times than I can count. I've been thrown up and pooped on. I've wiped countless dirty faces and crusty noses. Nasty has taken on an entirely new meaning for me over the years. I've been there for all the exciting "firsts" that each of my children has experienced. 

This time has been different though. In the past, I knew there were more to come so the "firsts" were kinda taken for granted. But with Silas, with every first, there is a last. The last time I will cheer on a first step. The last time I will hear "mama" or "dada" for the first time. The last first tooth. The last first bite of ice cream. And soon, the last time I nurse a baby to sleep. 

While there is a side of me that is excited about the journey to come and the "freedom" it will bring, there is another side. The side of me that longs to be close to my baby. The side that gets anxious when I think that he will no longer need me the way he does now. I know he will always need me, I'm his mommy of crying out loud, but as a nursing mother, I've been able to provide him with something no one else could. I am the one he relies on for his nourishment, for comfort, for safety. That's me. That's been me for the past 10 years. 

I have completely forgotten who I am without a baby attached to my hip and I will be honest, I haven't missed it. I am living my dream. Yes, like every mom, I want a break from time to time. I get overwhelmed and stressed. I lose my focus and joy, but I wouldn't trade these years for anything or any experience on this planet. 

But now, as the last first birthday is approaching, its time to embrace this next adventure. I will no longer me the nurturing mom but the teaching mom. I am going into the unknown. Raising boys and girls to be men and women. Equipping confident soldiers to fight for their faith and live it out daily. Yeah, I have been doing this too over the years with the older ones, but now this is where all my focus will be shifting. I'm saying goodbye to my comfort zone and stepping out in faith that God will provide me with the knowledge, wisdom, and strength I need to do the job he has called me to do. 

So, ready or not...here I come. 

Pumpkin and Apple Crostata

It's pumpkin season!! Oh happy day! It's that time of year that I go a little crazy with the pumpkin recipes.  I'm always looking for different desserts and ideas for that precious can of pumpkin purée. One day I was in the mood for a little treat so I pulled out my container of homemade pumpkin purée (super easy to fix up!), a ready made pie crust, 2 large Honeycrisp apples (best apples known to man), apple pie or pumpkin pie spice, and my bowl of pre-mixed cinnamon and sugar and literally put this together in like 5 minutes. 

This is seriously the quickest and easiest dessert (or afternoon snack)! You gotta try it! You won't regret it. 

1. Preheat your oven to 375. 

2. Roll out your premade pie crust.

3. Spread about 3 large spoon fulls of the pumpkin purée all over the crust, leaving a 1/2 inch around the edge clear.

4. Slice up your apples and fan them in a circle around the pie crust...or whatever pattern you want to make. 

5. Sprinkle the top with the apple pie or pumpkin pie spice and the cinnamon and sugar. 

6. Take the edges and begin folding them over form a boarder around the edge. Sprinkle with more cinnamon and sugar. 

7. Crack an egg and whisk it with about a tablespoon of water. Brush your egg wash over the crust. 

8. Bake for 25 mins or until the crust is golden brown. 

9. Serve with whipping cream or ice cream and a big ol' cup of coffee. :)

Enjoy!!

If you try it tell me what you think!!

 

My heart is full....and so is my bed

We should probably upgrade to a King size....

No More Yelling!!!!!!

I've noticed something lately...I am a yeller.  Ok, maybe it's not a recent development but I'm just now verbalizing it for the world to see (and by "world" I mean the 3 people that will actually take the time to read this).  I come from a long line of yellers. So, I'm totally gonna play the "I don't know any better" card. Sorry, mom, it's all your fault.  You made me this way.  Of all the things you could have passed down, that's what I got.  I've always wanted to learn to sew but you couldn't ever teach me without yelling at me.  I still flinch any time I see a tomato pin cushion. So, thanks for that.

Ok, now I've gotten that off my chest maybe I can move forward.  My mom is actually an amazing woman. I'll just blame her temper on her hair.  You crazy red heads and your tempers.  

I actually remember saying as a kid "I'm never gonna yell at my kids. Ever." And I meant it too! I'm typically a quiet person, well, compared to the rest of my family I am the quiet one, so I never handled yelling well.  It traumatized me. It made me clam up and get angry. Whether it was my parents, sister (she's a crazy red head too), or a coach, once the voice got loud, my ears clicked off and I would stand there stoic and angry.  The older I got, the more I was determined to NEVER raise my voice to my children.  

Fast forward almost 10 years and 5 kids later and I am a yelling fool! It's amazing how my children have stirred up emotions I never even knew existed. I can go from loving the heck out of them to screaming like a wacko in about 3 seconds.  It's insane what a stray sock can do to me after I've just started a load of laundry, or how the 5 simple words "I didn't get that out" turn me into the hulk.  Now, before you think I'm a terrible person, let me say that most of the time (but not all the time...because I'm prideful and sometimes I have to stand my ground and let them know they really ticked me off..I'm working on it though) I have to go back and apologize for my irrational behavior. Here lately I have even noticed that when I start to get loud my brain stops working and it sounds something like this "Judd Emmy Nolan Whoever your are! Stinking pick up the sticking hanger shorts ahhhh stupid thing I'm pointing at and put it away!! Yeah, I know it's a shoe. Don't correct me.  Just get it and put it up before I throw out in the yard." 

It's in those moments I am slapped in the face with how utterly ridiculous I sound.  And so very contradictory.  I spend every morning reading to my kids about the mercy, grace, kindness, and love of God then I go off on some idiotic rant and completely ruin the time I spent with them in the Word.  I am in no way showing them Jesus when I start throwing backpacks out the door in order to get them to the car for school.  (And no I haven't actually done that, but that's only because it never occurred to me until now.) The most important things in life are being overlooked because mommy is a nut job and that stops NOW! 

I am committing today to stop the yelling.  I will not raise my voice.  I will breath. I will put my face in a pillow. I will lock myself in a closet.  I will leave myself notes if necessary.  I will do whatever it takes to break this terrible habit.  I will not rely on my strength. Been there, done that, and failed. Instead, I will hold fast to my Savior and trust that through the power of the Holy Spirit he will create in me a heart of love and patience and of mercy and kindness. 

Bye bye crazy Julie...

  

Gotta love a family bathroom

5 things about ME

Some of my favorite things to look back through as an adult are the "About Me" projects/worksheets. It's fun for me to read the thoughts of the younger me about what I wanted to be, what my favorite animal was, my favorite games to play, etc. These are also the few sheets the kids bring home that don't make it into the trash can. So, I thought it would be fun to do an all grown up version for those of you who have stumbled across my little blogging project and want to know a little bit more about me. 

So here goes......

1. I am a foodie

My kitchen is my happy place. It's the one room in the house that is all mine. I love getting in the kitchen and baking, sautéing, chopping, and stirring. I love all of it. I'm really working on my cake baking and decorating right now. With 5 kids (which means 5 birthdays every. single. year) I can no longer justify spending so much on  professional cakes when I can do it myself and LOVE IT! 

2. I hate laundry

You would think I would've thought about that before having such a big family. But I didn't. Now when I say I hate it, I mean I HATE IT! I would rather let my kids be naked all the time than to constantly be washing clothes. Which is usually what happens on Saturdays. 

 3. Gum makes me wanna gag

I can't even say anything else without tasting vomit so I'm just gonna continue.

4. I love interior decorating

Since getting married over 11 years ago I have been on a quest to find my perfect style. I love soft neutrals, lamps, rugs, antiques, and clean lines. My goal is a comfy, cozy home that is relaxing for my family and inviting for visitors. I'm very slowly starting work on the house we moved into a little over a year ago and hope to get pictures posted along the way. 

5. I am a nursing mother 

I am currently nursing baby number 5 who is 10 months old. I have actually spent 60 months out of the last 9 years nursing babies. When I started with my first, it wasn't because I wanted to nurse so much as I didn't want to make my mom mad by not at least trying it. I had no idea then that it would give me such joy. It's an amazing feeling to know that my children have needed me. That I have been able to do something for them that no one else could. I have loved every minute of it. And because Silas is our kaboos we may just drag this out until kindergarten. Haha! Not really. As much as I love nursing I'm looking forward to wearing bras that don't have flaps on them.